Watching someone you love struggle with addiction can feel like you’re holding your breath, waiting for the next emergency and hoping they’ll ask for help, and fearing what might happen if they don’t. You may feel powerless. But having a heartfelt conversation free of judgment can be a turning point.
Knowing what to say and how to say it can reduce shame and open the door to recovery. Here’s how to talk to your loved one about addiction in a way that’s honest, supportive, and focused on healing.
If you lead with blame or frustration it’s natural for someone to shut down or become defensive. Instead, begin speaking from a place of concern and care. Use "I" statements that focus on your feelings rather than "you" statements that assign fault to your loved one. Try saying:
This softens the conversation and shows that you intend to connect with them and not criticize.
Timing matters. Avoid starting this conversation during a conflict because that’s when emotions are running high, or when the person is under the influence. Find a quiet and private moment when both of you are not distracted and can focus.
Let your loved one know you want to talk and ask if now is a good time. If they say no, respect their request. But indicate you want to follow up when it's a better time. Consider asking, “I want to have an honest talk with you. When’s a good time for us to sit down together?”
Avoid using terms like “addict,” “junkie” or “alcoholic.” These words carry stigma and can make someone feel boxed in and trapped. Instead describe behaviors you’ve observed and how these behaviors affected you or others. The goal is to keep the focus on your observations and concerns and not on their identity. For example, don't say, "You're an addict and need help.”
It’s also important to focus on observable facts. Say: “I’ve noticed you’ve been drinking more lately and missing work. I’m concerned because that's not like you.”
Addiction can stem from deeper pain such as trauma, grief, mental health struggles or overwhelming stress. When you demonstrate that you care about why they are using, you provide a safe space for them to open up and share their feelings. Consider the following:
This approach avoids shaming and reinforces the idea that recovery is about healing and not about punishment.
It’s tempting to draw a hard line when you’re scared or overwhelmed. But unless safety is at risk, avoid ultimatums. Offer support and options instead. You might begin by researching treatment centers or going to a doctor’s appointment together. The following statements allow your loved one to take control and make decisions.
You don’t have to have all the answers. Just showing up with resources can make a difference.
Not everyone is ready to accept help. If your loved one reacts with anger, denial or silence try not to take it personally. Their response may be rooted in fear or shame. Stay calm and affirm how much you love them without pushing. For example:
Your words can plant seeds and leave the door open for future discussions.
If your loved one’s substance use is putting them or others at immediate risk, intervention may be necessary, even if they’re not ready. This can be done with the help of an addiction specialist or interventionist who can guide the process with compassion and structure.
Addiction recovery specialists work with families to help them heal alongside their loved ones. Your well-being matters too.
Remember: early conversations can prevent a crisis. Don’t wait for rock bottom.
Starting the conversation about addiction is hard, but silence doesn’t protect your loved one. It only delays healing.
When you speak with empathy, avoid judgment and offer help you’re giving your loved one a chance to choose recovery.
If you need support planning that conversation or exploring treatment options, programs like Boca Recovery Center are here for you. Their skilled and compassionate team offers compassionate and evidence-based care. They’re ready to help you and your loved one take the next step toward lasting recovery.
