By Tim Kelly
‘Twas the night after Christmas, when all through Sea Isle
Not a lifeguard was stirring, causing surfers to smile
Their boards were stacked by the jetty with care,
In hopes that some breakers soon would appear
The party boats were nestled all snug in their slips
While visions of stripers gave fishermen fits
And Mama in her yoga pants and I in my hat,
Had just settled our brains for a ride on the Hobie Cat
When out on the beach there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the Lobster Loft feeling a little bit fatter
Away to LaCosta I flew like a flash,
Danced with the Geator and recycled my trash
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
And Fratelli’s Pizza made Santa “ho ho ho!”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a frosty mug of O’Donnell’s Pour House beer!
With a foamy head, bubbles rising so quick
I cheered on the Eagles and quarterback Nick
I whistled and hollered and called them by name
“Now! Alshon! Now Ertz! Now cheerleader Vixen,
“On Malcolm!, On LaGarrette a Las Vegas pick ‘em!
“To the top of the Promenade to a gull’s screeching call!
“Now cash away! cash away! Use a Sturdy Savings ATM all!
Mayor Lenny beamed, a banner plane flew by,
Frisbees and kites and wiffle balls filled the sky
So up to Townsend’s Inlet on Jitneys we flew
Viewing holiday lights and Christmas trees too
And then in a twinkling a beach bum’s delight
No beach tag Wednesdays, yes sir! All right!
As I chewed local fudge and was turning around,
Down to the County dog park I pranced with my hound
He was dress’d all in fur, from his snout to his foot,
His droppings I scooped, in a Wawa bag I put
From Strathmere I sauntered vowing soon to come back
Making sure my zinc oxide tube I did pack
The stars how they twinkled, Secret Service so merry
An Ocean Drive screwdriver served with a cherry
My thirsty mouth was drawn up like a bow,
A Hero Campaign driver letting me safely go
The stump of a sandwich I held in my teeth,
Casino Steaks cheese encircled my mouth like a wreath
Some funnel cake for dessert, went into my belly
The scent of Promenade food is a good kind of smelly
At Cape May County Library was a jolly old elf
Perusing best-sellers stacked high on the shelf
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Mike’s Seafood flounder fried in crumbs of bread
I spoke not a word and went right to work
Such culinary delights are a Sea Isle perk
And scratching my dog’s head aside of his nose
He walked to the hydrant, and his hind leg rose
Back on the beach Renny Steele blew his whistle
Dalrymple’s sold me a Super Soaker water pistol
Walking down JFK and I took in the sight
Happy New Year dear Sea Isle… and to all a good night
